My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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