I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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