i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
