ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
