I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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