so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
