Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
