have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Use "feeling words"
Yay
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
