my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
