He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
