He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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