I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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