I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
