woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
