weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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