Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
