before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Randomize
