i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
