I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
