everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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