my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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