Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
