Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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