I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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