6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
