haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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