are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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