so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
