11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize