I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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