shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
