i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
