Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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