it was like his penis was on wheels.
Farmville is her only friend.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
nutella sex= disaster
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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