i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
