She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
