I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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