dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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