Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
