she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
