I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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