i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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