I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
operation have a gay friend backfired
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
