Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
