he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
