my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
