I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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