can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
