Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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