just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize