You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I am morally bankrupt
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
