well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize