I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
