Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
