someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize