You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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