just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
