you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
