Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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