so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
